Un-finding yourself

Throughout your teens, twenties and beyond, pressure seems to weigh down upon every aspect of your life.

Whether it be passing your final high school exams, taking responsibility for that group powerpoint presentation (that only you attended the seminar for) or struggling with a full time job, the pressure to succeed and excel across all areas is expected. What's more, it's all allegedly for your own benefit - or so everyone keeps telling you.

There's so many expectations and conventions that seem to be sparked into life as soon as you're blowing the candles on your cake each year. It's as if someone's placed a memo to interrogate you about your entire life's achievements inside every birthday invitation you've sent out.

'You know you really should start start thinking about your career now you've finished school.'

'I don't understand how you don't have a life goal - you are 14 after all.'

'Better get a move on before all the nice men are snapped up.'

Whilst the above statements may be slightly exaggerated, you get the gist.

Though I've always tended to grimace and reluctantly nod when faced with these remarks, I would much rather respond with 'Why don't you tell me? After all you have my life completely sussed out. Give me a clue what to do.'

Seriously, I really could do with a clue.

When you're faced with so much pressure externally, you naturally begin to feel it internally. I'm constantly asking myself what I'm doing with my life and whether I'm on the right path; comparing myself to others and wondering what my 'objectives' are. 

As someone who has always detested that word, I'm not doing so well at reaching a conclusion. 

That's if there even is one.

When you feel like you're constantly under scrutiny, it can be easy to think that to move on to the next stage of your life you need to tick box a, b and c. But you don't. 

Just because one person follows a particular path doesn't mean that you have to, and just because someone else knows what their long term plans are doesn't mean that you have to. 

Of course, knowing what your objective are is great, but so is not knowing. I'm tired of being told to 'find myself' when instead I hope that somewhere along the line the right thing will come and find me.

photos by the lovely Jordy Lewis G