Follow the stars

shirt - Yoins

trousers & heels - Primark

clutch - Poppy Lissiman c/o Depop

"You can do anything you put your mind to."

I remember it being said to me over and over again. An artist doodling in the confined spaces of the maths exercise book or an author writing a ten-page novel in the back of a car. It's funny how those words never meant much at the time, simply because they were said so often. Being told that I was capable of anything and everything seemed like a natural part of my existence. 

Seemed - past tense - being the operative word.

Don't get me wrong, I've had the best time growing up. I've had some amazing adventures and met some of the best people. Yet it's left me with a sort of emptiness, an almost homesickness for somewhere I never quite got to.

I've never really had a true, clean cut goal. Despite being ambitious, I've never really been able to channel that ambition to carve out a clear target. I've envied those friends that seemed to follow their chosen pathway with ease and have ended up doing the thing they always wanted to do. I wish I could have been the person that studied the thing they love and slots into a life that suits them, even if they didn't know it existed.

It's strange how at eighteen, you're really no different physically or mentally, and yet you're forced to make all of these decisions that dictate the rest of your life. That said, it's comforting how we're all ultimately in the same boat, trying not to capsize.

Although I'm far from unhappy, I'm far from where I want to be. I think I just need to work out just where that is.

Do you wish you had a map to take you through life?

xxx

We don't need each other now

Photos by Sophie Kutay

A brief interrim post, but on something I feel is important.
To my friends and family, I am constantly insisting that they believe in themselves whole heartedly. That self confidence and endless positivity is by far the best mindset to take and to ignore those who tear down those ambitions.

How easy it is to serve up advice without even considering taking a helping for yourself.

Although confidence in myself and my own abilities has grown, especially in recent years, it's still something which is a pressing issue, despite it being one that is overshadowed by every other menial aspect of life. Like an impenetrable weed it started off insignificant and small, but when ignored can work it's way into every inch of your existence, plaguing each decision with a mask of self doubt. 

Even walking into Costa and rehearsing my three word order so I'm not holding up the woman behind who is obviously far more in need of her coffee than I.
Using sorry as a filler for almost every awkward encounter when 90% of the time, it is 100% not my fault.

I am here to therefore say it is time we remember who we are and no matter our hair colour, social status, waist size or tea preference, our existences are valid. Our opinions are valid. Our 3am thoughts about the formation of the universe is valid.

It's taken me this long to acknowledge the popular people at school were always just people. It doesn't matter what clique you belong to or american sitcom you prefer, there is ultimately no reason why you should doubt yourself.

xxx